Funny Emails

I have a number of friends who send me the greatest emails that brighten my day and make me chuckle and I am grateful for everyone of them (my friends I mean).

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,

bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be

able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it

turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a

big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass.

Parked on the side of the road, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. Thinking the driver is as dangerous as a speeder, the state trooper turns on his lights and pulls the car over.

As he approaches the vehicle, the officer notices there are five elderly ladies inside?two in the front seat and three in the back?wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explained to her that 22 was the route number?not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.

"Before you go," the officer says, "I have to ask: Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken."

"Oh," she answered, "they'll be all right, sir. We just got off of Route 127."

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three

likely candidates He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to

see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her

hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very

nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more

attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of

golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.

As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money

on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times

the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a

joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future

because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the

money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.